The root causes of neediness
If you crave validation--especially from women--keep these points in mind
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When it comes to attraction, neediness is perhaps the most repulsive trait anyone can have.
There’s something inherently unappealing about someone who doesn’t have their own identity, who derives their self-worth from the acceptance from others. It’s an indication that they might be an emotional burden—that they lack fundamental depth of character, or self-esteem.
It’s essentially the concept: “The more you want people to like you, the less they will.”
However, it’s safe to say that most of us have been needy at some point with another person—especially someone we like, who was likely being cold or evasive. In those situations, the pursuit of that person’s acceptance is completely unhealthy, but it’s almost like a drug.
I’ve been there myself. For some, it’s a difficult pattern to break. Maybe they are dealing childhood trauma, or a string of abusive or toxic relationships. Along the way, they’ve developed anxious attachment patterns with their personal relationships.
We all know that it’s not good to be needy. From a logical standpoint, that’s not difficult to comprehend. However, what is difficult to identify are the common reasons for neediness, so when we engage in needy behavior, we can take steps to reverse course.
I’ve thought a lot about neediness recently—both with my own past behaviors, and patterns I’ve observed with the men I’ve coached. I believe these characteristics below are the root causes of neediness, at a surface level.
If you take steps to address these, you will rarely be needy with others.
1. A scarcity mindset- this is the belief that your dating options are truly limited, that if you meet someone special, another opportunity may never come along.
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