The Cardinal Rule of Dating for Men: Never Chase
Five points to remember-- so you don't waste time on those who don't value you
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Before we get to the individual points, let this one fundamental rule guide you. If you stick to this concept, you will be able to keep yourself in check:
You are in full control of who you pursue and allow into your life. It is your responsibility to not let fantasy cloud your judgment and not see things as they truly are. Only dedicate time and effort to those who value you.
Don’t continue to reach out if she’s non-responsive or never takes initiative to contact you. Sometimes people get busy, so you don’t want to get up in arms if she occasionally takes some time to respond. However, be observant about the general pattern of your communication with her. If she’s attracted to you, she will be reaching out to you a good portion of the time.
Guys get “breadcrumbed” all the time when it comes to texting. He’ll be the one who is reaching out the majority of the time, she’ll give short one-or-two-word responses, or be generally evasive, but then send him a flirty emoji, or reach out of the blue occasionally, and he’ll think that means she’s interested. It typically means she is looking for attention or a hit of validation, while the guy she’s really interested in is ignoring her. Don’t be someone’s second option or source of attention. Even if you like her, don’t let your hopes cloud your perception. If it’s like pulling teeth getting her to respond, then it’s fucking time to move on.
Real life isn’t Hollywood. Don’t wait in the wings for her if she’s in a relationship. This classic White Knight/savior complex thinking. In this scenario, a guy has feelings (or thinks he has feelings) for a woman, she’s unavailable, and he thinks he can treat her better. In the movies, this type of guy is the hero; he’s usually unremarkable, but since he’s dedicated to a particular woman, she eventually sees the light and leaves her ‘jerk’ boyfriend for the good guy.
In real life, this type of guy is pathetic (also known as a male orbitor) and rightfully almost never gets the girl. It pains me to see when guys get fixated on a woman who’s unavailable and waste years pining over her—wasting precious time and opportunity. If you’re in this situation, please remember your self-respect, and honor the limited amount of time we have in life. Someone who’s unavailable will always have a certain allure, but this is largely fantasy and putting her on a pedestal. You can’t put your life on pause for someone—they will NOT live up to the fantasy you’ve built in your head. There is so much opportunity out there to meet someone who will make you their FIRST priority.
Don’t buy her things to “win points”. You can’t buy attraction. Guys who chase women often think they can buy their way to her heart—expensive dinners, flowers, trips, etc. The sad thing is, they don’t give because they genuinely want to see her happy, but rather they feel that these favors add up on an unspoken numbers system, where she’ll eventually agree to have sex with him because of his generosity. This is hallmark “Nice Guy” thinking. When you are first dating someone, don’t spend money trying to impress her. If she has a high level of attraction, she’ll want to spend time with you almost anywhere. Guys with no game get caught in a perpetual loop of buying things for women they’re interested in, and then lose their minds when she ultimately doesn’t show any interest. Don’t be this guy.
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