Book Review - Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson
Does the 'best men's dating book of all time' hold up in 2024?
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I have my own book out called The Foundation: A Blueprint for Becoming an Authentically Attractive Man, which was inspired partly by Models. Check it out if you enjoy my content.
Mark Manson is best known nowadays as the author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, a Millennial self-help blockbuster published back in 2016. However, he began his early career as a Pickup Artist and eventually a mainstream men’s dating coach.
I was introduced to Manson’s work via Models: Attract Women Through Honesty back in 2020, before I had even heard of The Subtle Art.
That year, I was going through a divorce. I sought advice from one of my close friends, who had gone through a divorce himself several years earlier, and had come out better and happier on the other side. I asked him for some advice on updating my look, social skills, and other ways to re-invent myself. He said, “Dude, you have to read Models by Mark Manson. It’s the blueprint.”
I was very intrigued. At that point, the only dating books I was aware of were based on Pickup Artist tactics and manipulation routines, and nothing out there detailed how to actually be an attractive man.
Models was written during 2011, when dating advice centered almost solely on outward behaviors to attract women, rather than taking personal accountability, being vulnerable, and being inherently attractive.
It is largely considered the best men’s dating advice book ever published.
Let’s take a look and see.
Overview
Although a broad range of topics are covered in Models, I believe the book is defined by the following key concepts:
Non-Neediness
Vulnerability
Polarization
Re-framing rejection
Non-Neediness: The opening chapters of the book cover the concept of neediness, and why it’s so deeply unattractive to women (and people in general). According to Manson, neediness is “…when a man places a higher priority on other’s perceptions of him than his perception of himself.” Manson’s theory is that a man’s attractiveness is inversely proportional to how needy he is. The less needy he is, the more attractive he will be to women on average.
Now, this may seem like common sense, but Manson does an effective job of providing “case studies” of how men demonstrate neediness through various behaviors. For example, he gives the story of how a sociable, popular guy in college settles down, gets worn down by nine-to-five life after college, and puts all of his identity into his relationship—rather than himself—and his girlfriend slowly loses attraction to him. Regardless if these are ‘real people’ or made-up examples, they help bring the concepts of neediness and non-neediness to life.
Vulnerability: According to Models, the ability to become comfortable with your emotions, faults, and being able express yourself without inhibitions—i.e. vulnerability—is crucial to building attraction and deep connections. This is different than unloading all of your issues on someone; Manson does a good job of distinguishing between the two again through several examples, and gives an honest assessment about learning to become emotionally vulnerable. It’s difficult, uncomfortable, and doesn’t happen overnight, but being real and authentic, rather than trying to be perfect and hide the rough edges of our personality.
Polarization: “Everything that is attractive is polarizing.” This is a bold statement which seems counterintuitive for a lot of guys. Traditionally, we’re taught that we’re supposed to do everything to make a woman like us, as a opposed possibly act in a way that could potentially make us disliked.
Manson clarifies that this isn’t supposed to be an act—if you’re controversial for the sake of a certain reaction, you’re being needy. It has to be rooted in honesty: “A man who is uninhibited about expressing his emotions and what he wants will demonstrate non-neediness, thereby attracting a woman immediately forcing her to decide whether she’s receptive or unreceptive.” Manson concedes that being polarizing will sometimes invite rejection—even harsh rejection—but the more polarizing a man is, the more dating opportunities with women he’ll have.
Rejection: The biggest mental hurdle for many men is the ability to handle rejection. Models argues that rejection is often times a good thing, rather than something that is shameful and should be avoided at all costs. Manson states that most men fear rejection because they’re operating on other people’s truths, and not their own.
Most men with weak grasps of their own truth fantasize about never being rejected, ever. This of the section of the book aims to re-frame rejection as something that is shift away from someone that isn’t good for you to being with, arguing that someone should either be a ‘fuck yes’ or ‘fuck no’ about you.
Ultimately, it’s better to get a ‘no’ rather than a ‘meh, maybe.’ A great point of view that Manson promotes is that most of the time, the rejection isn’t about you. Yes, sometimes men deserve to be rejected, but there often a million extraneous circumstances outside of your control. Although this view of rejection provided by Models might be a little idealistic or avoidant, it’s a better alternative than making every single rejection a personal failure.
Impact and Final Review
Models had a massive impact on me. It undoubtedly started me on my path to become a more attractive man, provided a framework for improving my dating life, and inspired me to eventually write about my own experiences. It was an absolute catalyst for change in my life— and thousands of other men can say the same.
Was Models the primary reason I was able re-invent myself, achieve a superior dating life, and build my self-perception after my divorce? No. That was done through action and being highly observant.
A book—no matter how transformative—can only do so much. Models will inspire you and provide guidelines, but just reading a book won’t improve your experiences with women. You have to actually put yourself out there extensively, and learn your own lessons about rejection, neediness, being vulnerable and polarizing. Manson says this himself in the book.
That being said, let’s cover my favorite parts of the book, my critiques, and final review.
The Good:
Perhaps the best thing about Models is that it simply puts you in a great state of mind and motivates you to take action. You feel more hopeful, grounded, and actually feel like a more attractive man after reading it. If I were to recommend a book to start rehabilitating an Incel, or a guy who is divorced and angry with women, I would start with Models. It can provide a profound mindset shift if the reader is open to it. One of the harsh, yet fundamental truths that men need to hear is: “You are not a victim.”
Although Models was published back in 2011, it doesn’t feel dated in terms of the keys concepts. That’s quite an accomplishment— considering that the dating landscape has changed so much over the decade-plus since it was released.
I felt that the examples the Manson provided in his book— both his own personal stories and the “case studies”—really rounded out the concepts and brought them to life. After re-reading my own book, it’s something I wish I had done more; I might incorporate more personal stories in a revised version down the road. Stories and examples bring ideas to life, rather than straight-forward “do this, not that” advice.
Although the concepts of non-neediness and vulnerability are perhaps what Models is best known for, it contains some really valuable advice about outward physical appearance and presentation. In my opinion, the book has some underrated advice on body language and voice tonality that shouldn’t be skipped.
Although the focus of this book is geared more towards Inner Game and mindset, the logistical dating advice is solid. The best overall concept related to actual dating logistics was Demographics in chapter 7. At a very high level, this is essentially the idea of putting yourself in social circles where you are more likely to meet the type of women you want to date. On the surface it sounds like a basic concept, but the chapter details this crucial component of dating logistics that is never really thought of. After you read it, male Demographics a key consideration of you dating strategy moving forward.
Critiques:
My biggest critique of Models is that it doesn’t delve into how to achieve certain mindsets needed for success. Being non-needy requires a lot of work, self-reflection, and development. So does vulnerability. Although Manson provides examples and stories of needy behavior—what not to do—I wish he would have spent more time on the specific steps or actions needed to achieve those mindsets. To his credit, he’s very upfront and realistic about how it can be a difficult path to be emotionally vulnerable and non-needy.
My other primary critique is that Models can be a little too idealistic for today’s dating world, especially considering what men have to deal with. In one part of the book, it surmises that “She’s rooting for you.” Meaning, that a woman who you just started dating believes in you, and somehow knows that you can be the most attractive version of yourself. Call it cynical, but in today’s world I just don’t think that’s the case. Models was written in 2011, before online dating really became mainstream. The dating world is far more competitive than it was back then, and society in general is more hostile towards men. That being said, I think it’s better to be positive and idealistic rather than paranoid and generalizing of women than a lot of the Red Pill content that is popular nowadays.
My final minor critique is that the sex advice in Models—particularly on dirty talk— is cringe and terrible. Just take it for what it is and move on.
Rating
9/10. An undeniable classic—still the GOAT of men’s dating advice books—and this is coming from someone who wrote my own book on the topic (although The Foundation is close).
Models isn’t perfect, but it should be one of the first books you pick up if you want to set yourself on an upward trajectory to improving your dating life. What’s so impressive is that it was written back in 2011, it still feels fresh and impactful in 2024, although it understandably is missing important logistical advice on topics such as Online Dating.
I would recommend Models to ANY man who is feeling hopeless, bitter, or is just starting from ground zero in his dating life. Simply reading a book won’t change your life, but it’s a damn good start.
Cheers,
M.O.